The Best Fast Food Burger in Rochester

So, over the course of last week, I decided I needed to find out which burger was the best burger to get in Rochester in under 2 minutes.  I didn't have a stop watch, but the burger better be in my hands before whatever song was blasting on the radio came to a close.

The journey started at McDonalds to try their Angus burger, which I have been told was a fine, succulent piece of beef.  So, in order to judge the best burger, all the burgers had to be alike.  So, my order was a burger (no cheese, there is something about American cheese that makes my tastes buds say icky!) deluxe with lettuce, tomato, onion, and mayonnaise.  The next stop was Burger King.  Then Five Guys.  And ending at Culvers, to rank their famous butterburger.  Now remember, this was over the course of a week, so I wasn't stopping at one place after the other (that would be unhealthy).

So, was it unfair that I didn't stop at Wendy's or Dairy Queen.  Maybe.  But I have an excuse.  One - I just didn't think to go to Wendy's.  Two - if I go to Wendy's it's not to get a burger (hello, Frosty!).  And three - the Dairy Queen's in Rochester are not the place to get anything except for maybe a blizzard (I'm sorry, but if a DQ doesn't have a chicken strip basket on their menu, then what does that say about the quality of their burger?).

So, then how did the taste test go for the four that I did go to?  Well, McDonald's was absolutely AWFUL.  It was the most disgusting thing I have EVER eaten.  The Angus burger there is like trying to eat a floor rug to decorate a fine kitchen.  It's only saving grace was that it was drowned in mayo, because everything about the actual burger made me want to throw the thing out the window.  I am getting nauseous just thinking about it.  It was the most chewiest piece of meat I have eaten in my life.  Forget about the burger being fast, one bit will take more than a half-hour to even cut it down to stomach requirements.  I am certain if I inspected the burger further, it would be a patty of the toughest beef jerky, instead of a moist patty of meat.  Please, stay away from the Angus, get the McDouble.

So, what about Burger King.  Yum!  I like burger king burgers.  It was a big burger, but the difference between the Whopper and the Angus, was that the whopper was moist and melted in your mouth on a cloud full of mayo.  The Angus burger is nothing but a wood board disguised as a beef patty (watch your teeth!).  I feel like the Whopper is the way a fast food burger should be, covered gloriously in toppings, on top of a burger that melts like chocolate (what more could you ask for in a burger?).

So, then what happened at Five Guys?  Did I like their burger?  The thing about Five Guys, is that yes, their burger is moist, but then the whole sandwich is moist.  When I teared away the aluminum foil casing over the double deluxe (without cheese!), I actually thought my burger had went for a swim.  I honestly wanted to know if it did a dive, a cannon ball, or a triple flip before it landed into the deep end of the pool.  I find it unappetizing when a burger has more grease on the outside bun than the most unhealthiest of pizzas.  And on another note . . . Five Guys burgers make me queasy after I'm done with them . . . ishy.

Then the journey comes to Culvers and the butter burger.  I used to like Culvers so much.  When I was younger, I used to get the double burger deluxe, an order of onion rings, cheese curds, and a chocolate malt.  Now days, I usually just get a single scoop chocolate custard in a waffle cone.  So, not having the double burger in a while, I had great hopes that it would taste how I remembered it.  Before I talk about the actually burger, has anyone else noticed the speed in which they bring out your food these days.  I remember Culvers being slow to deliver, hence the number they give you to bring out the order.  They did this because their food was fresh, not a single burger was laid down until it was ordered.  So now what?  Now the food is delivered to you, even before you have a chance to order it.  Unless they have someone working at each Culver Restaurant that can see into the future as to when and what a person is going to order, you can't be telling me their food is freshly made (but I may be wrong, and maybe I'm right!)  Okay, lets get to the burger.  There is something about it.  There is this unappetizing char to the burger, and it tasted . . . well . . . it tasted not that good.  The burger definitely doesn't taste like the best fasty burg in town.

So, as it goes, Burger King truly is king of the burger.  At least in the fast food world in Rochester.  BUT . . . if you're ever in the grand city of Rochester and are looking for truly the BEST burger in town, and you don't mind a little waiting and climbing a few stairs.  I would suggest you go to Newts, their downtown location.  Actually, there could be a reason for the stairs . . . maybe Newts is burger heaven.